Monday, March 8, 2010

Please Use Other Door

I have a pet peeve: signs on double doors that read "Please Use Other Door." My thought is this: Why have two doors if you are only allowed to use one? These are two perfectly good doors. Nice big double doors for XXL folks like me. Two doors that allow two people to walk abreast - one entering and one exiting. But one of the doors is locked shut.

If you want only one door to be used, why install two doors? What is the harm in allowing two people to enter and exit simultaneously? It makes no sense to me. Does it have something to do with safety and liability? If it is, I can't figure out the reasoning. They are glass doors. You can easily see the person on the other side of the other door. So why can't I use this door?

Does it have to do with the flow of traffic into the store? Does locking one door make for better access? How does that work? Will someone please tell me the reasoning behind "Please Use Other Door?"

Yesterday I went to my accountant's office to pick up my tax return forms. I guess I was in one of my "tea party" moods. Tax preparation tends to do that to me. There on the door was a "Please Use Other Door" sign. I rebelled. I tried to use the "Please Use Other Door" door. Of course it wouldn't be used.

I weighed my options. I stood there for a moment with my hand on the forbidden door, feeling like Eve with her hand on the apple. The receptionist at the desk inside the glass doors watched me, wondering what kind of idiot would use "this door" when it was clearly marked to use "the other door." There is even an arrow pointing me to the identity of the "other door" if I couldn't figure it out on my own. So I acquiesced. I used the other door, but I didn't like it.

I have decided that it must be the innate narrow-mindedness of door owners that forces people to use one door when there are two useful doors available. I think it is human nature to make people use "the other door" when they would rather use "this door."

The door lockers are exercising control over the door openers. Classic class struggle. Bourgeois door owners versus proletariat door users. Maybe there is a "door control" law that I am not aware of. It is probably those liberals again trying to protect us from the dangerous "other door." (By the way, it always seems to be the right door that is locked, forcing us to use the left door! Didn't Rush talk about that last week? Or was it Glenn Beck?)

Maybe I should start a "door party" movement. I wonder if Sarah Palin is available to speak. We want our door rights! I feel better now having gotten this off my chest. I only wish there was some spiritual point to make about all this. Something about a narrow way and a strait gate, or maybe the words, "I am the door." Hmmm. Maybe there is a spiritual lesson here!

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