Hole in My Soul

Krista Tippett (of NPR’s Speaking of Faith, now called Being) is moderating a discussion at the New York Academy of Sciences in December entitled "Perspectives on the Self." The first session is called; "To Be or Not to Be: The Self as Illusion." That might seem like esoterica to most folks, but it is right up my alley.

What is the soul? What is the self? And how is the immaterial aspect of humans related to the physical. It is the old body-soul debate in new clothing.

After building the Jerusalem temple Solomon stood back and wondered what he had been thinking when he started the project.  "But will God really dwell on earth? The heavens, even the highest heaven, cannot contain you. How much less this temple I have built?” Solomon knew that it is impossible. His temple project was a failed concept.

It is said that God dwelled in the Old Testament tabernacle and temple, especially the Holy of Holies and the Ark of the Covenant. How can this be? How can the infinite inhabit the finite? How can the immaterial indwell the material?  How can the spaceless be in a contained space?

If this is true of religious temples, is it not also true of the human body and soul? How can a soul or spirit inhabit a body? The apostle Paul complicates matters by talking about “spiritual bodies” at the resurrection. What the heck are those? It is like speaking of square circles.

The first time I heard Norah Jones’ song “Creepin In,” I thought she was singing, “There's a big ol' hole that goes right through my soul.” (Actually she says “sole” – as in shoe leather - but I heard “soul.”) I perceive a hole in my soul – a big ol’ hole – and it seems like it is getting bigger all the time, and eternity is creepin in.

The hole is now big enough for me to see through. It is like a built-in Hubble telescope peering into the depths of space. Through this hole in my soul I glimpse the universe and its Creator. It is like one of those wizardly tents in the Harry Potter novels. It appears small on the outside, but when you step inside it is enormous. My soul feels boundless when I step inside.

I am getting much too esoteric here. But my point is important – at least to me. What is the essence of a human being? Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said, "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience but spiritual beings having a human experience." Furthermore, what does this say about the Incarnation – God becoming flesh in Jesus Christ?

Anyway, here I am pondering my holey soul and the holy God. As I look into the depths I do not see anything that appears to be me. All I see is what is not-me. Where did I go? Perhaps I slipped through that widening hole in my soul.
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Image is “The Flame Pierced a Hole through My Soul” by Esther Alinejad. Stoneware, wire, bone ash, and cayenne Pepper.

What to say at the Pearly Gates

If a street evangelist should ask you if you are saved, just answer, “No, and neither are you.” (That is sure to spark an interesting conversation.) The truth is that you are not saved, and neither is the imaginary street preacher. Nor am I. By this I mean that the “I” and the “you” cannot be saved. The “I” and the “you” are what must be lost in order to be saved.

One of the most pervasive misunderstandings concerning the Kingdom of God is that it is populated by little “I”s and “you”s - little “me”s that possess private mansions in the sky in which to store “my” heavenly treasures. The mansion is our Father’s house, and he is our treasure.

There are no “I”s and “you”s in heaven. That would be hell. I can imagine nothing worse than living with this ego of mine for all eternity. I am sick and tired of it already; I cannot wait to shed it!

When one is “born again” (to use another misunderstood concept) the “I” dies in order for eternal life to be gained. “I” and “you” cannot inherit eternal life, any more than flesh and blood can. Only God has eternal life. We only share in it when we are God’s. Salvation is not something that we possess; it is something – or more accurately Someone – who possesses us.

Jesus said that you have to lose your life to gain it, and that you have to lose your soul to save it. The apostle Paul described this condition as being “in Christ.” There is no room for “I” and “you” in Christ. “Christ is all in all.” To be in Christ you have to leave yourself outside. Paul explained, “It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.”

Picture the clichéd Pearly Gates and Saint Pete standing guard – just like in all those newspaper cartoons. You come knocking on the iridescent portal. The apostolic voice asks, “Who’s there?” If this should happen to you, the correct answer is “No one.” Then he will say, “Right answer! Enter into the joy of your Master!”

If Saint Peter were to ask you why you should be allowed into heaven, the proper answer is “I shouldn’t.” Not just because of your unworthiness (which is certainly true) but more importantly because “I”s and “you”s are not allowed in heaven. They must be left outside, like shoes left at the threshold of a mosque.

There are times on earth when we experience this selflessness. There are moments when the boundaries of the self blur and the soul dissolves. At those times we see that the Kingdom of God is not “up there” or “in the future.” We are in the midst of it here and now… when our eyes are open.

It is the unself that is saved. That which is not-you is what survives the dissolution of our mortal frames. Don’t worry; you won’t miss yourself. The self was never yours to begin with. It is just personal baggage that we have picked up along way to help navigate our earthly lives. You will be glad to set down both your body and your self at death.

Then who will we be, if we are not ourselves? We will be the image of God as we were originally created to be. We are mirrors held up to the Eternal One. When he looks at us standing at the gate, he sees the reflection of his Son. Then he will exclaim, “Welcome home, son!” When you hear those words, just say, “Thanks, Dad. It is good to be home.”

What I Learned From the New Atheists

I have been reading books by atheists for months. I have been reading the so-called New Atheists – men like Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, and Christopher Hitchens. I have been rereading some of the “old atheists” like Bertrand Russell and Sigmund Freud. I read the Harvard humanist Greg Epstein and the atheist turned theist Antony Flew.

The most interesting book I read was “Why I Became an Atheist” by former evangelical pastor, John Loftus. The most disturbing was “Bible Stories Your Parents Never Taught You” by Mike Earl. If you want your understanding of Scripture challenged, listen to this free audiobook. 

Why have I delved into atheism so thoroughly? I did not do it to gather apologetic ammunition for use against atheists. I did not do it to assure myself that I was right and they were wrong. I did it for the sake of truth – to see if perhaps I had been wrong after all.

My doctor insists I get a complete physical examination every year. But I had not undergone a complete spiritual examination in decades. This was a complete examination, including the spiritual equivalents of a prostate exam and colonoscopy, and it was just as pleasant.

At sixty I am not the same man – physically or spiritually – as I was when I became a Christian at age 22. It was time to make sure that the faith I embraced as a young man still rang true to the older man I had become. If God were really nothing more than an imaginary friend, I did not want to waste any more time with the fantasy.

I wanted to find out if the atheists were right, if I had indeed believed an illusion (as Freud calls religion) or a delusion (as Richard Dawkins calls theism.) I wanted to examine my beliefs as critically as possible and see if they passed the test. I wanted to challenge my faith in the light of science, history, and reason as honestly and thoroughly as possible.

In the process I had to come face to face with the terrible things that Christians have done and taught in the name of Christ. I also had to confront the pervasive violence in the Bible done by God’s people at the command of God. I had to look carefully at the doctrine of hell and the question of theodicy. (Why is there suffering and evil in the world?)

I reasoned through the philosophical arguments for God’s existence. I reevaluated the Christian doctrine of creation in light of modern science. I revisited the issues of miracles and prayer. In short, I examined every aspect of Christianity from the perspective of skepticism.

This spiritual exam was painful. It was humbling. In a sermon entitled “Thank God for the New Atheists” Michael Dowd argues that the New Atheists are playing the role of prophets to the Church, much like the Hebrew prophets did for Israel. I think he might be onto something. God may be using those outside the church to speak hard truth to the church. At least they spoke hard truth to me.

I have come through my spiritual self-examination as a changed man, but a stronger Christian. I know that was not the intent of the atheists. They are trying to convince their readers that there is no evidence for belief in God, much less faith in Jesus Christ.

What I learned from the atheists was that unexamined faith is not worth living (to reword Socrates’ famous quote.) Christians can to do better than wear cultural and intellectual blinders and mindlessly parrot the pronouncements of religious authorities. If the gospel is to be taken seriously by thinking people, then we Christians need to do some serious thinking ourselves.

The reason the American church is so theologically, spiritually and morally weak is because we have an uncritical faith. We believe before we think, and often do not think at all. What is needed is an intelligent faith that has thought through the serious questions being asked today. 

What did I learn from atheists? I learned how important it is to question my assumptions, and to doubt everything I hear or read. I learned to sift fact from fantasy. In the end I know that God is real, Jesus is Lord, and that the Christianity is a reasonable faith … for those who use reason faithfully.
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Image includes New Atheists, from left to right: Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens, Polly Toynbee, Richard Dawkins, Daniel Dennett, Martin Amis

Relax & Enjoy Life

There is a religious war raging in the British Isles. Not between Catholics and Protestants, or between Muslims and Christians. This is between atheists and Christians. The British Humanist Association has been running an Atheist Bus Campaign for almost two years.

It is designed as a response to the “Jesus Said” ads, which feature a series of verses spoken by Jesus. They include banners that read, “JESUS said, “I am the resurrection and the Life. Whoever believes in me shall live.” www.JESUSsaid.org.

Atheists reacted with their own ads. All across the United Kingdom, buses have advertisements that bear the slogan, "There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.” In a further response the Christian Party ran counter-ads that read, “There definitely is a God. So join the Christian Party and enjoy your life.”

Both the atheist ads and the Christian Party ads have been the target of lawsuits. Now it is not just a war of words, but a legal war as well.

I have been reading a lot of atheist writings recently, but these ads reveal what atheists really think about religion. They obviously think that if you are a theist then you worry and do not enjoy life. For them, faith means being troubled and joyless.

These atheist assumptions are disturbing. This means that the Christian gospel is not being communicated well. Salvation actually means peace and joy, as well as a number of other “fruit of the spirit.” The fact that Christianity apparently represents just the opposite to British society means that something is clearly wrong – either with the church or with the church’s image.

I suspect that it may mean that Christians are not exhibiting these Godly qualities that attract people to Christ. Humanists look at the church and only see a bunch of unhappy people who cannot enjoy life because they are afraid of divine judgment.

That is exactly the opposite of what true Christianity is about! The gospel means freedom from all fear, doubt, guilt and worry. It is joy in the Holy Spirit. It is deep peace that the world cannot give, to quote Jesus. But this message is obviously not being communicated to Brits.

The other possibilities are that humanists really do not understand Christianity or they are deliberately misrepresenting Christianity.  Both of these are unlikely. My perception is that humanists and atheists know Christianity at least as well as Christians do, and are no more deceitful than the average bloke. 

In any case, believers need to change people’s perceptions of Christianity by truly living our faith. Christians - Inform your face what your heart knows. Practice what you preach. No one cares what Jesus said unless they see that it makes a difference in your life. 

Slogans on the side of buses do not convince anyone, one way or the other. Bus advertisements apparently just result in lawsuits and more ill will. As Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind.”

The best thing that can be done … to use the atheists own words … is relax and enjoy life. “Either God exists or He doesn’t. Relax and enjoy life!” Now that is a slogan both sides can agree on!

Living Silence

To quote the famous sage, Sister Maria of Salzburg, when I am in the mountains I hear the sound of music. I don’t twirl around and sing aloud. (Please get that image out of your mind!) I stand still and listen to the sound of the mountains. At the risk of sounding like Paul Simon, it is the sound of silence.

There is a quality of silence heard only in wild places. It is different than regular silence, like the difference between tap water and spring water – not the kind out of a plastic bottle, but direct from a spring.

When I was a child I used to visit my grandparents who had a cabin in New Hampshire. They had a hand pump in the kitchen that drew water from the lake for washing. But if you wanted a drink, you had to walk down a winding path to a spring and dip a ladle in the water. Jesus called such water “living water.” Living water is running water, as opposed to still water.

The silence in the mountains is living silence, as opposed to the dead silence of human places. You can’t usually hear it near human habitations. There is too much noise pollution, even in rural areas. The only place I hear it is in far into the mountains.

I heard it again last week in the White Mountains of New Hampshire - in Bear Notch, where we stopped to view the patchwork of colors on the valleys below. I heard it earlier at the end of the dirt road where our son and his family live on Mountain Road in South Tamworth. At the top of a hill with a beautiful view of the mountains, one can hear silence.

This is the silence I hear in prayer. It sounds like the voice of God. It speaks. It stirs the emotions. It enlivens the heart. It invigorates the soul. It is nourishment for the human spirit.

Jesus said, “Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” I don’t think he was talking about Bible reading. I think he was talking about silence.

The psalmist describes the natural voices of heaven and earth: “They speak without a sound or word; their voice is never heard. Yet their message has gone throughout the earth, and their words to all the world.”

That is why Jesus often went into the wilderness to be by himself. He was feeding on silence. I need silence. When I don’t have my Minimum Daily Requirement of it, I get “out-of-sorts.” Silence keeps me sane.

It is best when gathered in wild places – mountains, oceans and forests. But a prayer closet provides the next best thing. Right beneath the skin of the soul, divine silence lives.

It is like when you put a seashell to your ear and hear the sound of the sea. When I get to my knees and press my ear to my soul, I hear the silence of the mountains. For a few minutes I dwell in sacred space, and feed upon the silent word of God.
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Photo is “Mountain Silence” by Peathor

An Evangelical by Any Other Name

“A rose is a rose is a rose,” wrote Gertrude Stein nearly one hundred years ago. Juliet said about her Montague boyfriend, “What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Can we say the same thing about evangelicals?

What is an evangelical? There is a continuing conversation about the meaning of the term. Baptists have struggled with the label for decades. (Read the ABP story of this struggle.) I have used it as convenient shorthand for communicating my acceptance of traditional Christian doctrine, but I have chafed under the unwelcome connotations of the term.

In many people’s minds it is synonymous with the religious right, and I am certainly not that. It smells like fundamentalism to many people. It carries with it an anti-scientific connotation and a Republican social agenda, neither of which I embrace.

I used the word in the subtitle of my book, “More Than a Purpose.” I described my approach an “An Evangelical Response to Rick Warren and the Megachuch Movement.” I wouldn’t use the same words today.

It does not have the meaning it once did. It is both too big and too small. If the term can embrace both Joel Osteen and Billy Graham, then it has become theologically meaningless. If it can include both James Dobson of the religious Right and Jim Wallis of the religious left, then it no longer has social content.

The only thing the term is good for is to engender misunderstanding and emotion. Instead of clarifying one’s position, it confuses it. It prompts emotional reactions that are not conducive to communication and understanding.

Religious and theological labels are misleading. I don’t like them. Apparently neither does God. Moses tried to pin the Lord down with a name, so he would something to legitimize his mission to the Hebrews in Egypt. The frustrated Lord finally shouted, “I am who I am. Tell them, ‘I am’ has sent you!”

So am I. I am who I am. If you want who know who I am, don’t pin labels to me. Talk to me. Don’t call me liberal or conservative, traditional or progressive, evangelical or emergent.

Even the word “Christian” is misleading these days, being used to describe people who burn Qurans and picket military funerals while holding signs that read: "God Hates Gays." I have nothing in common with them.

People use labels for other people so they don’t have to listen to them. This past year I have been intentionally listening to a much larger variety of voices. I have listened carefully to people like Muslims and atheists. I thought I already knew who they were. I was wrong; all I had were labels and preconceptions.

The same is true of me. I don’t even know what I am; how can anyone else label me? An evangelical is not an evangelical any more. Neither do they smell so sweet these days.  

Touching Eternity

I bought my daughter an old pendant this week. I am not talking antique; I am talking ancient – 450 million years old! It is an ammonite fossil embedded in rock, shaped as a pendant. I bought it at the fair at a “gems & minerals” booth for $8.

When I think of ammonites, I am used to thinking of the Biblical people, the descendants of Lot and his daughters. But these ancient denizens of the deep are much more inspiring. When I hold a fossil like this, it fills me with a sense of awe.

It is the same feeling I get when gazing into the heavens on a starry night or when standing on a mountaintop. The time spans of natural history prompt in me a feeling of vastness and spaciousness that I can only describe as spiritual.

I learned from biologist Richard Dawkins (in his book “The God Delusion”) that atheists feel the same thing, which means it is not a religious experience. But it is definitely an awe-inspiring experience.

For me it is like touching eternity. I cannot conceive of eternity with my crude mammalian mind, but I can approach it through natural objects like this fossil. It is my bridge to the infinite.

It is one way I approach God. When I hold a fossil in my hand, I reach back across the eons to the infancy of life on earth. Terrestrial life is young by cosmic standards. This fossil is barely a tenth of the age of the earth, which is only a third of the age of the universe.

Who knows how many universes there were before this universe? One theory of our universe holds that the Big Bang that started it all is just the latest in a string of bangs that may have been pulsating forever.

When I hold a 450 million year mollusk in my hand, my body feels how short my life is. My lifespan is no more than a blink of an angel’s eyelash. Yet God cares for me.

As the psalmist says, “When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?” “Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain!”

I bought my daughter a chunk of eternity today. I hope it inspires the same awe in her does in me. It is not expensive, but it is priceless.