I love reading fiction, and I love reading books on spirituality.
Yet it is rare to find a quality work of spiritual fiction. Too much religious
fiction is pabulum – filled with New Age memes or Christian platitudes. So when
a listener to my podcast recommended Lying
Awake by Mark Salzman, I bought it. It is a brief book, less than 200
pages, but rich in spiritual insight.
It is about Sister John of the Cross, a member of the Order
of Discalced Carmelites, founded by Saint Teresa of Avila in the sixteenth
century. Sister John is cloistered in the monastery of the Sisters of the
Carmel of Saint Joseph in present day Los Angeles.
She is a woman of unique spiritual
insight and intimacy with God, who has developed a reputation outside the
monastery as the author of a book of essays and poems about contemplative life
entitled, Sparrow on a Roof, based on
her vibrant spiritual experiences.
Sister John suffers from terrible headaches and seizures.
The seizures become so severe that they disrupt the community, and Mother Mary
Joseph insists that she seek medical care. It turns out that she has temporal-lobe
epilepsy caused by a small meningioma under her skull. This noncancerous brain tumor
appears to be the source of her headaches and seizures, and likely the cause of
her mystical experiences as well.
She is faced with the decision of whether or not to have surgery
to remove the tumor. Her dilemma is that if the tumor is removed, it may also
remove her sense of closeness to God. I won’t reveal what she decides and what
follows, so as not to spoil the book - just in case you decide to read it. The
reasons for her decision are the best part of the book.
This slender volume made me ponder the relationship between
health and spirituality. Recently I recorded a podcast episode and YouTube video
entitled, “Was Jesus Mentally Ill?” I explored the relationship between mental
illness and spiritual genius. The gospels record that Jesus’ family thought he had
“lost his senses,” and “has a demon and is insane.” I wonder aloud if Jesus’
family members, who knew him the longest and best, were correct.
In discussing the topic with a friend I joked that if there
had been antidepressants in biblical times, we would not have half of the
prophetic books or psalms of the Old Testament! Indeed we might not have the
New Testament at all! There seems to be a relationship between mental illness
and spirituality, as well as between epilepsy and religious experience. These connections
are explored in this book.
Lying Awake made
me look at both spiritual experience and suffering from a different
perspective. How much of our religious
beliefs and spiritual experiences are due to physiological factors? What if spiritual
experience is nothing more than a chemical imbalance in the brain? Does that
make religion a symptom of mental illness? Does that make spirituality invalid
or less authentic?
How is suffering linked to spirituality? There is an oft-observed
connection between severe illness, personal tragedies and spirituality. Just read
the Book of Job! Often the onset of catastrophe
or severe illness drives a person to examine his or her priorities. Countless
times I have ministered to people who were seeking God because of a dramatic
change in life’s circumstances.
People assume that health is good and suffering is bad. People
go to great lengths to be free of emotional, spiritual and physical suffering –
including taking solace in religion and spirituality. Buddhism says that
suffering prompted Gautama Siddhartha to begin his spiritual search.
The book made me take a second look at suffering in my life.
I have not suffered greatly in life, but I know what great suffering looks
like. As a pastor I have ministered to people who endured great suffering –
emotional, spiritual and physical. That is how I know I have been spared the
worst that life can inflict. Yet I have had my share of suffering and pain.
We all suffer. Life is suffering, as the Buddha taught. We
all have to decide how to approach suffering and how it fits into our spiritual
life. My life is better for suffering. Suffering has forced me to look at life
without flinching.
Witnessing evil and suffering has caused me to wrestle with
the theological “problem of suffering” and the “problem of evil.” That in turn
has forced me beyond the easy theodicy that Christians so hurriedly embrace. It
propelled me into the fathomless Mystery at the heart of existence.
I am grateful for the suffering I have known. It has revealed
God and softened my heart. It has prompted compassion and made me a better
pastor. Suffering is intimately connected to the Great Mystery that we call God.
That is the meaning of the Cross.
Throughout the book Sister John’s prayers
returned to the suffering of Jesus. Her thoughts led me to ponder anew the
Cross, the central symbol of our shared faith. There is no easy answer to
suffering, but one can see the answer from the Cross.