Passport Photos Don’t Lie

I just finished the application process to renew my passport online. These days you no longer have to go to the drug store to get a photo taken. You can snap a pic with your cellphone and upload the digital image. So that is what I did. I followed all the directions: white background, no glasses, neutral expression. I did not like the end result. Instead of me, there was an old geezer staring back at me.  

Where did he come from? Abraham Lincoln is reported to have said, “Every man over forty is responsible for his face.” I guess I must be responsible for this face. I compared it to the passport photo taken in 2015. Have I really changed that much in nine years? Where did all that gray hair come from? And all those wrinkles?  

I look different, but I do not feel different from nine years ago. I had supper with my eldest son the other night. He is pushing fifty. (By the way, I feel way too young to have a fifty year old son!) He said he still feels thirty-eight inside. I replied, “So do I!” But my passport photo tells a different story. What am I going to look like when I get my passport renewed in another ten years?  

Last week I took measurements to replace the wood that borders my raised bed flower garden. The present wooden frame was there when we bought the house nearly fourteen years ago. To build a new one I have the option to use PT (pressure treated) or regular lumber. I am going with regular softwood, figuring it would still outlast me.  

The most recent estimate of life expectancy for men in the US is 74.8 years. I will hit that mark before my son turns fifty! To be honest, I consider it a privilege to grow old. Most people in history did not have that privilege. Most people in the world today will not live as long as I have. I have already lived ten years longer than my father, who died at 64. I am grateful for the wrinkles.  

And death does not bother me. Once one knows what death is, there is no need for fear or anxiety. I am talking about seeing what we are before birth and what we are right now. That is what we are after the body takes its last breath. There is a Zen koan: “What is your original face before your parents were born?” That is our eternal identity.  

Jesus said, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” A few sentences later he says, “Seek first the kingdom of God, and everything else will work out.” The “Kingdom of God” is Jesus’ term for what Zen calls our original face. So I will not spend any more time pondering the grizzled face on my passport. I will simply go on living with my original face.