Where did he come from? Abraham Lincoln is reported to have said, “Every man over forty is responsible for his face.” I guess I must be responsible for this face. I compared it to the passport photo taken in 2015. Have I really changed that much in nine years? Where did all that gray hair come from? And all those wrinkles?
I look different, but I do not feel different from nine years ago. I had supper with my eldest son the other night. He is pushing fifty. (By the way, I feel way too young to have a fifty year old son!) He said he still feels thirty-eight inside. I replied, “So do I!” But my passport photo tells a different story. What am I going to look like when I get my passport renewed in another ten years?
Last week I took measurements to replace the wood that borders my raised bed flower garden. The present wooden frame was there when we bought the house nearly fourteen years ago. To build a new one I have the option to use PT (pressure treated) or regular lumber. I am going with regular softwood, figuring it would still outlast me.
The most recent estimate of life expectancy for men in the US is 74.8 years. I will hit that mark before my son turns fifty! To be honest, I consider it a privilege to grow old. Most people in history did not have that privilege. Most people in the world today will not live as long as I have. I have already lived ten years longer than my father, who died at 64. I am grateful for the wrinkles.
And death does not bother me. Once one knows what death is, there is no need for fear or anxiety. I am talking about seeing what we are before birth and what we are right now. That is what we are after the body takes its last breath. There is a Zen koan: “What is your original face before your parents were born?” That is our eternal identity.
Jesus said, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” A few sentences later he says, “Seek first the kingdom of God, and everything else will work out.” The “Kingdom of God” is Jesus’ term for what Zen calls our original face. So I will not spend any more time pondering the grizzled face on my passport. I will simply go on living with my original face.
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2 comments:
Very nice. I suspect that I will reach the age of 74.8 about the same time that you do. (My oldest son turns 50 in June on the same day that I turn 74.) I agree. I am glad to be here. When I look back at the person I was 50 years ago, I shake my head. Was I really that head-strong, self-important young man? And of course I knew exactly what was right. 50 years later I know nothing at all, and I'm so much happier. I thank God for having the been given the time to lose all that I thought I was in order to find myself. Lovely reflection.
I have been following your podcast on UTube for a while now and I have always believed that it doesn't matter what religion a person follows. Now through all my readings of Thomas Aquainus, don't know if I spelled that correctly. Other readings of Theresa of Avila, Thomas Mertin, Richard Rhor and others that the God I learned about as a Catholic did not exist. I had to go outside of that to Hinduism and Buddhism to get a better understanding if you can say that. Then reading the cloud of unknowing I had to let go of any knowledge I thought I had . I am a recovering alcoholic and have been in AA for 15 years seeking connection to a higher power for guidance. It's been scary for me to let go of any of my concepts of this higher power and come to know that yes the kingdom of God is in me . I'm still working on spending more time in silence so that I may experience it for myself. I shall continue to watch your videos and teachings. Thank you so much!
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